On Loop
You force yourself to get up for the morning
Hoping for a good day
Wanting to become a better person
After a few words of encouragement
You recognize the pleasant
but somewhat unfamiliar feeling
Of Happiness
You savor it
Knowing it won’t last long
The moment you walk through those familiar doors
You automatically transform into that fake, shiny and perfect person you feel forced to be
and waste all of your time, strength, energy and patience
on subjects and walking
You finish your day exhausted
Left with the very little amount of precious strength you managed to save
You turn out your lights
and sink into a sea of darkness
peaceful at first
Turning sour as you fully realize
how tired you really are
Tired of being broken
Tired of being lied to
Tired of being hurt, stepped on and hated
You slowly back into that corner of your mind you’ve spent countless hours in
and glance around the room
As every object in sight fades into nothing but a sketchy outline
Then the world falls silent
as if anticipating your next move
The only sound you are able to hear is not made by a mortal
It’s a voice
one you may consider supernatural
Cunning, eerie, and tremendously persuasive
effortlessly turning echoes of comforting words
into horrible lies bent on destruction
and soon feel the sting of fresh wounds
and the warmth of crimson blood trickling over your skin
as your body stops trembling from rage
and your mind floods with guilt
You slip on something to hide your pain
and with every sting the cloth delivers
you scold yourself for giving in
your eyes fill with tears your too weak to cry
In an attempt to save what’s left of your sanity
you bury yourself in your bedsheets
lying awake,
overthinking
regretting
soon you drift off,
no dreams,
no visions
just quiet darkness
you savor yet another thing that wont last
It will end
you’ll hear someone waking you again
you’ll rise
feeling brave
knowing the cycle repeats
viciously,
efficiently
and endlessly.
