Lost my senses today -
Today I felt the loneliest–
I feel like an over pampered, spoilt girl.
I’ve grown so weak over the last few months,
I am genuinely worried about loosing my wits to insanity.
Today I felt the loneliest, because -
everyone was asking me if I am alright.
I was not. For a change, instead of just you,
today everyone felt the intuition to check up on me.
But, as i sat there on the floor, soaking sunset,
tears rolling down my face, looping exhausting thoughts–
I had so many people to seek comfort in, but -
none that I wanted to run to. You, who I could’nt run to.
It was in this moment, that I realized,
even if God provides you with all the loving people in life,
there’ll be days when you will have no one but Him who understand you.
For, He alone knows your pain, your struggle, and your fragile state.
I know I’ll be fine at the end of the day.
But today, I felt like reaching out to you.
I’ve felt alone in your company too, won’t deny–
yet it was comforting to know you were there..
i never thought I could imagine a life without you,
and here I am, so far moved on -
that I keep looking back just to see if i can still see you.
I did not move on, I ran ahead to loose sight of you.
today though, i felt lonely, for the first time, in a long time.
I sat on the floor thinking whom can I call,
as my mouth is filling up with scream and cries waiting to be unleashed–
I am just so lost with the understanding of anything and everything.
I miss you. I miss knowing I never had to think whom to call,
but I knew it was you. I miss running to you when I felt weak.
I miss you helping me decide, you know how bad i am at it–
I miss being able to trust another soul as blindly as i trusted you.
Dear God, be it whatever may, I come to you–
and I do thank you for all the support you’ve given me.
But when i feel as hopeless as i do right now,
for i left him for you, tell me i’m not still in the wrong.
lift me up from this misery, and guide me to my destiny.
give me strength and teach me how to navigate myself.
ya Allah, i come to you helpless. You are the one that takes care of us–
so help me, take care of me, for I’ve lost my senses today-
