I do not have friends
because I have convinced myself that nobody wants to be my friend
 
I do not have a man
because I have convinced myself that no man would want me
 
I do not have a good time at work
because I have convinced myself that I cannot create anything good.
 
Because I am living with the mindset that I deserve abuse, and that I am nothing,
I am willing to tolerate being treated as such.
 
I am willing to take a worse life -
to self-destruct.
Even to die
 
because I have convinced myself that I am worthless.
 
I do not defend myself against anyone because I believe that I deserve abuse, ridicule, insult, pain, suffering, trauma. I deserve to die.
 
I am alone,
because I have convinced myself that no one would want to be around me.
 
I don’t look good,
because I do not believe that I am good
 
I do not take care of myself because I do not believe that I am worth taking care of.
 
I do not speak out because I do not believe that anyone would listen
 
I do not form good relationships because I can’t accept that I am good enough for anyone
 
I do not have good conversations because I do not believe that I am interesting
 
I do not make good work because I have convinced myself that I cannot.
 
I have allowed myself to accept this self-abuse as long as I can remember
I do not love myself.
and I am holding myself back.
But I’m beginning to wake up.

abuse, self-hatred, self-love, self-destructive, addiction, porn, hatred, death, self-loathing, mistakes, re-generation, life, me, myself, struggles, epiphany, revelation, phoenix

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Nelson D Reyes
almost 2 years

...smile...repeat.,,

Thank you A Traveler. I like your work.

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Nelson D Reyes
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