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I Was Once A Pauper

I was once a pauper
A vagrant rich with pride
Of earthly goods
I had my fill
And paid with greedy eyes
 
Of love I thought
A mean possession
Of wisdom I had none
I played the games of vanity
And those cannot be won
 
O, the day she first appeared!
Immolating bliss!
Annihilating all
I’d known
And slaying with a kiss
 
Open now were doors that
I, had never thought to be
All was burnt in
Offering, consumed
In what I’d seen
 
Her petals shone
Like mighty jewels
Ablaze with living light
Her fragrance makes men wise and fools
O Empress of the Night!
 
I reached to touch,
To claim my prize
But worthy I was not
She struck me down and flew away
Leaving me to rot
 
I wailed in my anguish
Appalled and dismayed
Only she, could lift me up
But I was to be flayed
 
Her image that she left
With me, stinging like a brand
Slowly changed before my eyes
Distorted by my hand
 
A harshness I did find in her
Beauty turned to dust
An anger welled within my breast
And murder fueled my lust
 
Her features morphed
To monstrous forms
And bitter was the taste
Of all the words I spoke to her
Simmering in hate
 
Her lips then curled
In laughter
Her dagger teeth she’d bear
Anointing my iniquity
Crowning my despair
 
I found my place Beneath her feet
And sacrificed my heart
To her, I gave up all my joy
And that was just the start
 
For pain was all I knew of now
Division and disgust
I sought to numb what i then felt
By killing what I must
 
Whole graveyards filled
With hopes and dreams
And laughter too was there
Buried in the turgid soil
Covered by her hair
 
When others would
Show love for me
I answered them with stone
I’d poisoned all the wells to drink
That I’d be left alone
 
My mistress was
A jealous god
And favored she the whip
Whenever I would stray too far
She tightened then her grip
 
Alas, I feared
And trembled much
Knowing not the way
To guilt and shame I gave my strength
That through them I’d be saved
 
Then she spoke
In curdled voice
And to me she did say
“Apocalypse, apocalypse!
Ignite the world of clay!”
 
Violent death
And bloody too
Did show itself to me
Beckoning and intimate
Promising release
 
But held I then
The sword in hand
And finally did see
That she was but a phantom
Born of suffering and grief
 
Then the void
Did open up
Swallowing my mind
Revealing naught, but hiding all
Rendering me blind
 
Or was I blind before
And now
I recognized my state?
Alone, with only memories
Rejecting my own fate
 
Thought I of my perjury
The lies that I had spun
Fighting with the shadows
I had cast upon the One
 
Shame once more
Took hold of me
And brought me to my knees
I was but a muddled fool
A drowning mockery
 
Who could look
Upon my face
And laugh not at my pain?
I set myself against the Wind,
The Water, and the Flame
 
A horror did
Belong to me
On seeing what I’d been
I begged and wept in prostrate form
That God might make me clean
 
But lost had I
My only god
And silence did reply
In that black hour I swore that I
Would win her back or die
 
I put to iron discipline
The cravings of my soul
And rose an army from the ashes
Ravening and bold
 
We marched towards
The Rising Sun
To gain some of its might
To conquer all the demons
We encountered in the night
 
We forged of steel
A vast array
Of weapons sharp and cold
And placed therein the spirits
Of the fallen and the old
 
Now with power
In our grasp,
We fell upon our foes
We cut them down with reddened eyes
And devastating blows
 
We drained the corpses
Of their blood
And drank thereof with pride
We gained the strength of those we’d slain
And now the rest would hide
 
But in that time of glory
Proclaiming Victory
I looked about to find that she
Was nowhere to be seen
 
Was she not to marry to
The hero and the king?
I’d bested all that challenged me
And suffered for that ring
 
Another wave of anguish, of
Confusion, and of grief
Swept me up and took me to
The shores of disbelief
 
Maybe I had conjured her
Of fancy and of dream
Perhaps she had no substance
In this cold reality
 
Was I now to give her up?
Resign myself to fate?
Or was this but a test from her
To prove a worthy mate?
 
How long must I burn for her?
And suffocate in doubt?
Was this hell eternity,
Or was there a way out?
 
I searched myself
For what I’d missed
For what I’d overlooked
Perhaps I had offended her
By passing by her nook
 
A humble hermit
I would be
And faithfully would seek
The light that she had shown to me
The one that made me weak
 
I knew I may not find her,
That folly was my guide,
But in this was a comfort,
A friend who would abide
 
Smiling and with growing peace
I go still on this quest
With loving, fresh aspiration
Kindling in my breast
Piaciuto o affrontato da...
Altre opere di Alexandre Andre Lapuh...



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