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Amy J.

Guilt

There aren’t words to express,
How much I want to feel.
I don’t care what the feeling is,
I just want it to be real.
 
The crushing guilt is keeping me,
From feeling any pain,
From cutting, burning, wanting,
From bleeding out like rain.
 
I feel like I owe someone something,
For these scars to slowly fade,
But the longing tears me up inside,
And of that I am afraid.
 
I press the razor to my skin,
I’m weak; I hesitate,
Your words haunt me as I look down,
Those words I love to hate.
 
“Don’t do this, I love you”
“There’s nothing left to fear”
“I’ll never, ever leave you”
…So, why aren’t you here?

(2011)

As previously clarified, most of my early poems are downers. I don't struggle with these things anymore. (:

Other works by Amy J....
A Rose

As I open my eyes, After a time of forgetting, I see a rose through my blurry eye… A symbol of what I’m admitting. It sits there quietly,
Defeated

The same old cycle, The words are repeated, She wins yet again, I’ve been defeated. I’ve tried to smile,
Pain

The pain surrounds me, There, it’s taking me up, My heart is aching, I should give up. I feel like I’m drowning,
Atelophobia

She pressured herself, Set her standards too high, She felt so inadequate, As she watched life pass her by. She was afraid of their judgment,
A Year

My dreams are as beautiful as my r… And finally both have a constant, Sometimes I think I’m just imagin… The perfection of this moment The memories of pain are fading,
 1
Untitled

I’m slipping in and out of sleep, With your hand resting gently on m… I try to memorize the lines of you… Because we’re running out of time. Your half-closed lids flutter,
 2
The Answer

I stood there watching, On the other side of the doorway, You looked so happy, So perfectly okay. As I stood there, peering in,
Your Maze

You’re lost in a maze, The one that you made, You lost your map, The plans that you laid. You’re running through,
God Gives

I finally realized it, What I’ve been doing wrong I’ve been searching for something, That was here all along. I’ve been looking everywhere,
 1
 1
Blind

Why am I so hideous? No wonder he let me go, Even I repulse myself. No one will ever know. I can’t believe he left her,
Flaw

The world will always whisper, “No matter what you do, Your failures can’t be counted, And no one needs you. Your inadequacy is immeasurable,
A Story (Part 2)

A Story. (Part Two) That’s when she saw you, And in that moment she knew, That her life had changed forever, But she was so confused.
Mirror Image (Part 1)

I glance up, She stares into my eyes, Tears spill over, I watch as she cries. With tears running down,
A Story (Part 1)

He was a new friend, And he had smiling face, So she welcomed him with open arms… She welcomed him with grace. She let him come near,
 3
Age is But a Number

Don’t tell me that you’re sorry, Don’t tell me that you care, Don’t tell me that you understand, You’re completely unaware. Don’t even pretend,
 1



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