A blanket of dust settles
A constant hum rings throughout
Bricks debris fly through the air
A child cries from beneath his mothers grasp
Glass shatters as tanks roll in
Bullets fly chipping stone
A scorching sun beats down upon this land
Hell in reality
A cloud of smoke and dust erupts
A constant hum remains
Blurred vision
Footsteps shouting
A child screams
Bullets rip through the air
Explosions Fire
As dust settles
Motionless they lay
Bricks crumble as bodies fall
War rips lives apart


War, Iraq, Death

  • 0
  • 0
Login to comment...
crazy enough
over 7 years

I think you got unlocked potential. you find it and you will captivate us all for years to come! when i am reading your material here is what i see along with your statement. you are very direct in your approach, when you write imagery it rolls and you wrap it up stating the obvious. i think you could deliver a much larger impact. instead of just seeing vague imagery. take me there running with you experiencing it. make me feel it, see it, smell it, taste it. even if i don't want to. then you will have poetically expressed the punchline. not trying to be mean, just trying give you some constructive criticism as i see your not just writing for yourself entirely. i assume your writing to convey a message to readers. if so really dig deep and put yourself in that state of mind and horrify us entirely! maybe wrap it around itself and make us feel compassion. stand in the childs shoes that is screaming, stand in the soldiers shoes and so on... i hope you find this helpful....


Other works by Andrew...