This is a poem filled with words I just didn’t have the courage to say.
This is a poem filled with both love and hate.
The truth is I really did love you, but you broke something inside of me.
You were always late and unreliable and you thought of yourself higher.
You weren’t better than me and that’s not to imply that I’m better than you.
We are both good people, but sometimes that’s not enough.
And sometimes that just doesn’t work out.
I guess we weren’t the lucky ones.
I guess that God has a different plan for me.
But still I know you were put in my life for a reason.
You taught me to not give myself over so easily,
Because if I do I will get hurt.
You taught me what it meant to feel.
I didn’t know heartbreak until you walked in and out of my life.
Maybe that’s how I know it’s not a dream and I’m alive.
Because a dream could never hurt me this much.
You showed me that there are men out here;
And they are deceiving and rude and sometimes it’s disguised.
You showed me that I am unbelievably stupid.
To fall so easily for someone who could just use me.
Because of you,
There are walls up.
Because of you,
I don’t bite my tongue anymore.
Because of you i’d rather stare at the stars
Then get drunk at a fire.
But throughout all the awful things you did and said to me,
You got me to quit my addiction to you
You got me to quit my addiction to coke
And you got me to quit my addiction to this
Absurd obsession of possessing possessions that are meaningless
But the best thing about you,
Your smile and your laugh
And the glimmer in your eyes.
Your calming voice
And your hands when they were strong and intertwined with mine
And through thick and thing I think you should know,
How to you talk about me now really shows how little I meant to you.
And yes I still love you,
I probably always will
But now I’m leaving for good.
This is not a poem to admire you
And this is not a poem about the shitty things you do
This is a goodbye
With some closure
Because these are the words I can’t say to you
But to type them out where you won’t see
Someday you’ll find this and you’ll think twice about how you treated me.