To my subconscious

I feel it again,
The cold seeping into my veins,
Like dry ice,
My heart hurts so much,
I can’t bear to cry
I don’t understand these feelings
It’s like,
My mind is lost,
Away from myself somewhere
And i must find it
For my body is right with me
But I am not with it
Lost in space
I am floating above the cosmos
In utter confusion
 
I lay
Awake all night
This desperate show for my mind
Has driven me mad with emotion
For I do not know why I feel
As I feel
So desolate
So lost
To purge this feeling
Forevermore
Would be but my grandest desires
 
I cannot feel otherwise
But bitter
Bitter cold and alone
Solely driven away with despair
That does not exist but to tamper
To drive me away from myself
And it is from that
That I am lost
Not physically
No
But my mentality has driven off
I cannot seem to find it
Drenched in blindness
I cower to discover
Where it is
I have lost my wits
 
My heart
My mind
I cannot think
I cannot think straight
I cannot think narrow
No
 
I only feel
Desolate...
Spacey
Above the cosmos
I write now to purge this
This feeling within my bones that lay me awake
Cringing for sleep
But without dire need of it
This loss of sanity that has driven my mind to perish
 
This loss
That has caused my bones to frail
I do not feel anymore
But sorrow,
My mind is gone
But it is within my bones that this feeling seeks refuge
It seeps within the very marrow and wallows there
I digress
Shall this feeling lift
I be released from peril
For as of now
I merely seep into it
 
Maybe it is not my mind that’s lost
But I
For I feel the cold seeping into my veins
Again
Like dry ice
My heart is melting
By subliminal fire
And I am fine with it
I have gone with it
Into the desolate
Somewhere
That my mind has beseeched
And I cringe
For my bones are hollow by this sadness
And I feel every jolt
Every tear and tremble
And I am alone
And cold

(2015)

I was having immense anxiety and as I have insomnia, the two caused me to write rather colloquially. I am afraid to share this piece as it is very personal, please let me know how it is in the comments. Thank you for reading.

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Vic
plus de 4 ans

Thank you for sharing. I enjoyed reading it and could understand your angst.

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Yutaka Kazori
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