My Best Friend is a One-upper
She loves being adored and constantly praised,
And hates feeling left behind in any kind of race;
She just won’t stop loving herself until the very end,
That’s my egotistic, self-centered, one-upper best friend.
Tell her you’d travel the world for maybe a month or two,
She’d brag that for twice that span of time, she’ll be going too.
She’ll even boast a list of places where she plans to go,
Then add, “But it’s not too much, just a little better
than your plans, you know.”
You can deliver the funniest joke in the whole wide world,
But she’ll interrupt you just to say that your joke is so old;
Then, she’ll talk big of herself saying her wit is way better,
And you should just jest again when your tales are already newer.
Wear the best makeup, all branded dresses and shoes;
She’ll buy herself pricier ones, that is for sure.
Just so she’ll always be the only one on top,
In trying to own the spotlight, she will never stop.
But since I am her best friend, I know her from head to toe;
And I am twice as good as her, sometimes, even more so.
This isn’t to brag of the good things I have that she lacks;
But, boy, I’m just really better, that is one big fact.
But, wait, I just realized, I haven’t told you why we’re friends, right?
Well, you see, despite her narcissism, she’s my only pal in this life.
I have no other friends, except that one-upper, vicious B
Who never left me since birth, because my only best friend is me.
Inspired by that annoying one-upper character played by Kristen Wiig on SNL.
