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Am I Worthy Enough

To Taylor Luterzo

I’ve been searching through a desert for years now,
They say in the desert you’ll find gems and diamonds if you’re lucky,
I’ve seen so many find these luxuries and I can’t help but to be encouraged,
But I’ve been walking for years now,
Have I been walking for years or have I just begun,
Never felt like my feet were moving,
Everybody moves fast and finds luxuries,
Finds them and holds on to them,
The heat of the desert is intense,
So from time to time they drop those luxuries and fall to their feet,
Young Chiki promised he’d never do that,
Chiki is cooler than the cool cats who aren’t cool enough to cool down when the heat is on,
Oh young Chiki doesn’t know how long he’ll walk,
Complications come from his own battles that make him unsure,
Can Chiki find a luxury,
He finds some,
Chiki only picks them up to examine them,
Drops them instantly,
Chiki wants the biggest jewel that dwells under the most hidden rock,
I guess that’s why he’s been walking so long,
Looking in places the others don’t,
See they told me that I could find gold in the east of the desert,
Gold is nice, but it needs silver to be strong enough,
Silver is strong, but maybe too strong to be a luxury,
I want a diamond,
Diamonds,
Structure looking so strong,
Deceiving,
Squeeze that diamond and it brakes,
Fragile,
Diamonds are the way of God’s creations,
It’s all planned out,
We walk this desert,
Others find luxuries quick but never stick with them,
Some hold on for long but not too long,
Then there’s ones like me,
Who look for luxuries in the most random spots,
Not like I’ve been looking,
I rather walk until a luxury comes upon me,
When it does I will treasure it,
Treasure it forever,
For I have been looking for long,
Searching and searching,
Waiting and waiting,
Oh frustration comes and I go with the others,
I use gold and silver but they are not in any way a luxury to me,
I use them just to feel like I have,
See Chiki has been walking for as long as he can think,
Walking before he should be walking,
Thinking to one’s self that he will never find a luxury,
He told me before I walked that I should let a luxury find me,
They are all around,
If they pop up they may be unsatisfying to your eye,
Or they may be so appealing that you’ll sit in the sun boiling with it,
But I’ve been walking for so long,
So long I’ve written songs about how everything in life is all wrong,
I lost my faith in the possibility of a luxury finding me,
Is it my looks,
You got to look right for these things,
Is it my mind,
Am I wise,
Does my voice reach far when I scream,
I’ve been screaming for so long in this desert,
Screaming for it,
Hopelessly longing for a luxury of my own,
The stepping stone to getting over the heat,
The heat weighs in on me,
Scrambling my brains but I remain sane,
But God I’ve been walking,
Walking and talking,
To who,
Myself,
Truly bad for my health,
Because the conversations I converse convert my mind into insecurities,
Putting myself down to give reason for why when I look around I don’t hear a sound,
Nor a shine of a luxury,
It is fucking too hot for me to not see something shining in this desert,
Have you deserted me,
Like the luxury and rock I come from,
Too far into my mind,
Never seeing a shine makes me recline,
I’m scared though,
Uncomfortable in the skin He gave me,
I think that the skin He gave me is just filthy,
Not worthy enough for a luxury,
Woo is fucking me,
But then in time,
In long time,
I find a dime under a boulder,
The boulder rolled over without me touching it,
Had to be a sign,
Even in the shade of the boulder the dime shined so viciously in my eyes,
I became blind,
Holding it,
A fragile luxury for me from God I see,
But I’ve been walking too long,
I can’t help but to think am I worthy enough,

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