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Desire for Perfection

I wake up in the morning with a smile that’s fake
I laugh but I just don’t know how much more I can take
I swallow down the pain like it’s a normal routine
I hold my breath and walk as if I’m the perfect teen
 
Right now the only emotion I feel is lonesome
Especially when the most used word for me is dumb
I laugh it off and look up to God to hide my tears
Sometimes I pray I’ll go to school and overcome my fears
of being who I really am in front of all my “friends”
and maybe even attract some boys who are soon becoming men
I like to think I’m good enough deep inside my thoughts
If only all these people who enjoy picking on me a lot
would leave me alone so that I can stand up with confidence
And I can try out what it’s like to not be so tense
I fantasize about the joy when you feel happiness
and to have people that really care about you in all trueness
I snap out of it and realize that it’s nothing but a dream
cuz it’s impossible to go to school and be the perfect teen
 
I apologize I just made myself seem needy for pity
I actually have friends outside of school who are quite silly
We might cry and disagree a little more than we should
But I know if I asked them to anything for me they would
We’ve had each other’s backs since we were like 5
and I know that it will stay that way as long as we’re alive
Earlier I mentioned that I’m never feeling happiness
But that’s only when I surround myself with the ones who talk gossip
It’s important to find people who accept you for who you are
Especially those who appreciate the traits you find as flaws
Yes I myself need to work on loving me for me
But that can only happen when I realize it’s not even fun to be the perfect teen




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