Limbo
Sitting on a fence
behind me is devastation & destruction
the lifestyle most chosen
familiar
full of false comforts
in front of me is healing & creation
found through applied knowledge & meditation
true freedom
requiring patience and effort
Sitting on the fence
because not choosing is easy
but creates this restlessness within
no effort given
gifting myself
the time to breathe
but unrealized potential
may be the death of me
I’m my own worst critic, you see
able to see all the possibilities
with my mind’s eye
but get stuck inside
depleted motivation
reasons to try
they fade away
trapped energy resides
in the bodies of those
who hide
from who they truly are
we’ve never lived that far
from the suffering
caused by ignorance
and lack of experience
and understanding
we’re in a period of gathering
information
practicing concentration
traveling to places
that harbor bliss
and pure happiness
that comes from sitting with
the darkness
until it reveals truth
and this is light.
But here’s my plight:
I’ve traveled to these places multiple times over
realizing equanimity on the deepest of levels
and still I have this fear of moving further
inadequacy is more familiar
realizing my capacity
to be powerful beyond measure
to live out of love and not fear
fills me with hope
so much so that I choke
on the countless possibilities
surrounding me
to live my passion
and help humanity
enjoy the journey
while we figure out what that means
can we live harmoniously?
have we ever tried?
will I continue to fight this battle inside
myself expecting to find
the answers to peace
while wars continue to be
across the world
and wrapped up in our realities
born of violence
it’s quite a dance
unlearning cultural conditioning
and learning news ways of thinking
so as to learn a new way to be
being the change we wish to see.
Did we really think this would be easy?
Transitioning to a new age
as smooth as glass?
The old power paradigm
will not yield without kicking some ass
along the way
cause that’s capitalism for ya
hell yeah!
stepping on anyone getting in the way.
Maybe my resistance to change
is a reflection of the journey we all face
to reconnect
what’s been separated
with lies of better thans
and entitlement.
As a member of white privilege
I have so much opportunity
to take on my responsibility
as a planetary citizen
to assist
in the process
of not repeating history
but gaining insight from it
and finding peace through conflict
abolishing the security-addicted society
that chooses war cause it’s what we’ve known
instead of conflict resolution because it’s too slow
at giving us what we want
we’re impulsive as fuck
but so good at adapting
and also great at being manipulated
how much of our desire is manufactured?
and why do we chase it?
before we do what we do,
do we think first?
What isn’t remembered
can’t be reconciled.
If it’s a learned behavior
don’t blame the child
but give the young human
time to heal
as it learns new ways to deal
and live this life
a precious gem isn’t smoothed out overnight.
The fence didn’t always have two sides
I didn’t always have the ability to decide
Self-loathing behaviors deeply ingrained
hindered my ability to climb
but now I’m so high
above it all
able to feel the potential
and also recognize the fall
that comes with
the path I’ve chosen
to learn from what I’ve been given
the truths continue unraveling
I take bites from the apples of fear and love
waist deep in healing waters, I’m stuck
with my mind in a frenzy
and my heart trying
No longer denying
the duality of nature
recognizing
that one day I’ll be there
that place where
connections are apparent
and fences aren’t needed to separate
the realities we create
in our minds and our lives...
That place where
fences have no need to arise.
(2014)
