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God

no one would ever guess it
but my faith in god is real
Inever really believed before
because I didn’t take the time to feel
but lately its been real bad, it’s been more than I can take
I lay in bed at night crying, wide awake
and it’s just so much to deal with
I don’t know what to do with all the pain
I feel so fucking* lonely there’s no words that could explain
as I laid there helpless, for the first time in my life
I resorted to God, to hear all of my cries
and yeah I’ve prayed before –like everybody else
but the truth is it was just a lot of talking to myself
this time I hit rock bottom so I gave it all I got
I begged for him to listen because this was my last stop
“if you’re real and listening
send me down a sign
because I just can’t take it anymore
I need you in my life”
I begged and cried to him
like I’ve never had before
and then I felt a calmness– like he was laying next to me
he whispered in my ear “ child tell me everything”
& so I let it out to him
tears rolling down my cheeks
the things I told him that night
hurt him, as much as it hurt me
and for once I didn’t cry, all by myself to sleep
he shared in on my suffering
So I could finally drift to peace.

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