I was speaking to a friend/confidant and said to them, “It is very difficult to find the one that’s right for me”, and they asked, “what type of person are you looking for?”, and I responded, “A person that doesn’t argue and wants to be happy always, a person that wants to keep negativity out of our relationship and understands the importance”, they replied, “ well it sounds like your looking for a 100% person and they don’t make those, in fact a perfect person doesn’t exist because everyone is gonna have disagreements, this person sounds like a robot”, I hesitated for a minute as I thought the last verse of the statement was a little sarcastic, knowing I should find the appropriate words to reply and not let that verse influence my response, I said, “Your right, there isn’t a perfect person in the world for the world, although there is a perfect person in the world for me, I know people are gonna always have disagreements but disagreements are so minor and would never be a problem, its easy to agree to disagree, they can like yellow and I can like blue, they can like rice and I can like potatoes, they can think the faster way home is different from the way I take, this is nothing to argue about because it is not that serious, in fact, it should be accepted as normal life, everyone is entitled to their own opinion, as that is all it would be”, I heard a pause on the phone for a few seconds and then I heard them speak, “ Well, I hear that, but you will still have arguments, because I know couples who’ve been together for 50 years and they go through it, so what will make you different from them?” I smiled with the thought of my response and said, “ I’m not different from them, although the outcome of my relationship can an will be different, let me explain”. “The reason couples argue is because they complain, saying, I want this and you did this and you did that and this is how it makes me feel, I deserve this and I deserve that and this makes me tired and yada yada yada”. In response, the other one says, “ well I do this because you did that and I feel like this because you didn’t do that and I want this and you don’t give it, I’m tired of this and I’m tired of that, yada yada yada”. “the solution to this is very simple, this is not easy but I know we can practice, as I’ve come to find, both parties are selfish, instead of being selfless, each one of them are always on the defensive and wants to be understood, thinking the other doesn’t understand them, but feeling they understand the other person, they need to try being the person who came into the relationship saying I love you, I’m concerned about you, I care about your feelings, but this is not what they’re showing. To put it blunt, It should never be about you, you gave up I, you gave up me, when there became a we, now its time for you to stop thinking about you and think about them and they need to do the same, check yourself and how your making them feel and they’ll do the same, this means, there will be no reason to worry about how they are making you feel because it is no longer your job, its their job, its your job to worry about how your making them feel. Not saying you shouldn’t be concerned about you, but trust and know they got you. Of course you will express your feelings and emotions, however, they wont come across as a complaint, only as a notification, because the tone of voice you use will flow with such easiness, knowing they are always taking you in consideration and it has been there vowed determination to do so, they are now selfless instead of selfish”. There was a moment that went by and my friend surprised me by saying, “I’m gonna be my own person and not walk in the shoes of my significant other and If you ever find that person please let me know, because I don’t think its possible”. I paused on the phone in shock before responding and I said, “did you not hear anything I’ve said?, Its no longer about you, and if it is, that’s all the reason to stay single, but anyway, your entitled to your own opinion and I will let you know when I find that perfect someone for me, hoping one day you’ll began finding that perfect someone for you

Written by Derrick Pringle Sr.
Copyright © 2014 Derrick Pringle Sr. All Rights Reserved