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three in the morning and i don't make sense anymore

I opened up,
feel like I spoke to much
amphetamine head rush
got unstuck, stumbled storms in my
head.
At least you’re all true friends.
Lessens the blow of the ache
of knowing I’ve been seen to break.
I never wanted to admit I couldn’t live like
this
if
you’ve got those words in your
remember book
can you slip them back in my hidden
while I’m sleeping?
I’ll blind the next unravel
it is hanging on my shoulders
clinging to my awake
making my eyelids earthquake
please let sleep come
please, I’m begging,
again.
Grandmother are you going to look down from heaven
if even to see
I have been alone for your alone
and awake for your sleep
and everyone is holding onto each other
to hold up their grief
the whole family, that
all have just forgotten me
and I’m doing this
in empty home.
But no matter what
I hope you felt
my hand hold
or heard my love you.
I’m doing more strong than I can do
I really just want to wake you.
The truth is everyone else
is sleeping too.
the kind of family love that is suppose to be like safety
has long forgotten me
and coldly so.
I wish I could say it’s been desensitizing
but it’s been hurt,
been anxiety rising.
My soul is lying
every time it says
I’m okay.
My face is getting thinner with the new weight gained in my heart.
I’m more determined,
but more torn apart
I’m bursting alive with
why
how can people change
how can moms leave
how can life take down its rails and
let
chaos go open and free.
you look at me with walls infront of your eyes
i am worn down
and feeling light
theres a mist of confusion
i don’t know what life is doing
other than killing every shred of optimistic left in my world.
and you are there most of the hard times
but will you turn into a goodbye
when my last try runs out
of light?
I knew I shouldn’t need anyone
so I tried not to need you,
but when everyone but a single person has left you...
I can’t speak terrified.
I can’t speak hard times.
All of this is insomnia ryhmes and
has lost all its meaning fell
through the cracks of my sleep needing being
I am still feeling dizzy
from this weekend.

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