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Scapegoat

You’re here, you’re there, you’re everywhere.
You have created a scapegoat for all the worlds problems;
a picture painted by your own unresolved pain.
You cannot confront the one who’s tormented your mind
and broken your heart again and again.
You cut off from the source, keeping a distance from the possibility
of having your head toyed with again.
And in your isolation and your unattended need for resolution
you create situations that drive you insane.
A demon’s been created that takes all the weight;
the demon is the product of all your frustration.
You’ve forgotten that love was what you felt before your heart was broken.
You forget that it started with her not being open.
Now it’s you who’s becoming the person that hurts you,
and whilst you force yourself to accept your perceived reality
you keep your heart from opening your mind to another possibility.
Where does that leave you?
 
Going back and forth between encouragement and fear.
Becoming positive then negative, then clear, then unclear.
One moment I see your eyes light up with satisfaction and aspiration.
Then, oh how quickly your thoughts tune into another station.
In just a moment the world that was a blank canvas for your art,
has been become a dark void filled with lies before you even start
to create your own mark, the way that really holds true.
Your worst enemy is no longer her, it has become you.
 
I act pleasant, and friendly, loving and kind,
but I fear the demons that are lurking in the darkness of your mind.
I am not myself, I notice, I do things so as to not receive emotional abuse.
And in my thoughts I keep wondering if there is any use.
In my imagination, fight or flight drives me to imagine mysef parting from you,
but in truth I long for you to stop filling your head with things that aren’t true
and to forgive, my God!
 
It’s through those small moments that I see your light,
that I decide to leave my bags unpacked just for another night.
But I’m beginning to lose patience,
beginning to stop believing in you.
And when my faith has been lost
I will seek an idea that is new.
I am just praying that when that day comes,
if it does,
then I’ll have the strength to do it properly;
with peace and with love,
with certainty and with grace.
Then there would be no doubt left
that could be read from my face.
Then perhaps you’d learn to change your attitude,
and your stance towards the people that have loved you,
and you’d learn to see the difference
between what is false and what is true.

Written on April 24th, 2016

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