(to love)

It’s all getting too close,
my heart begins to race.
Sometimes i like to be alone,
but then i hate the space.
 
My heart and mind
in this tug of war,
pulling me to and fro.
I just need to sink or swim,
or for them to just let go.
 
‘Too soon, too fast!’
my heart begins to scream.
It reminds me that happiness
exists only within my dreams.
 
'Go on, just try’
my mind softly speaks,
'You’ll never know unless you try’,
if not then i am weak.
 
My feet ready to escape,
but my mind keeps me still.
Love and hurt are two things
my heart refuses to feel.
 
But he looks into these eyes,
seeing through the girl i was.
Knowing he wants to be with me,
asking myself ‘because?’.
 
So unsure of everything,
myself, my heart, my mind.
If i do not pursue this
how will i ever find,
that love can be for me?
 
But is this the start of love?
Or should love be first sight?
Hurt brought me to question this,
perhaps love is not a fight?
 
Too afraid to throw this away
and not know what could have been.
Or should i stay because of this?
and work on how i feel?
 
I cannot crawl through pain again,
its ground of shattered glass.
To watch the blood of every sin
And pray that it will pass.
 
Fear and doubt control me,
my curiosity hold its post.
A prisoner of my mind,
a release i need the most.
 
A fear of love
and fear of pain.
Without strength
what do i gain?

(2013)

this poem brings about the questions that race through the mind, as it stuck on this parallel of hope and hurt, with regards to new horizons in love.
It focuses mostly on the fear itself, and finding the strength to somehow move on from what was, to what is right here, right now.
Change.

love, confusion, past, present.

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