The end......?
I have reached a point where I fear God and hate myself. I have done so many wrong things to be in the place where sleep avoids my mind. I have loved like a fool. I have walked with my eyes closed. I have talked in an unknown tongue. I have done nothing to deserve anything. The food that I have. The water that I drink. Living is but a waste of time because I know my mistakes before I make the decision to act upon them. The irony of knowing the difference between right and wrong is already living through the consequences the first time. I hate being human. I hate being permanently flawed. I hate feeling my blood pump through my heart. It is marvelous to be alive. It is unnatural to desire death. I lay in this dark room contemplating my future. The ages have done nothing but show me that I am but a lost cause. I want someone to tell me it’s ok to try and love again. I know I have more to offer. I know I have more to give. Am I one step away from love? Am I two steps away from remorse? My mind sees too far into the future in my dreams. Life is not what it seems. It’s not anything I can’t handle. I have taken the world for granted. I am stranded.
