Post Change
To the writer:
Allow yourself to be captivated
by a specific moment
of your own, or of another’s.
Because if you can formulate it into words
that feeling of being engulfed
by a love and appreciation of life
you’ll thank yourself later
for finding meaning
in something that didn’t have to be left alone.
In fact:
I recall moments of panic in the night
tensing every muscle in my body
trying to force release.
And if I couldn’t see the animal’s eyes
I’d shut my own eyes tighter
until the white light flashed
and I could be comforted
by its aggressive stare.
But I know now, I see now
my physical self no longer restrained
or burdened by a mess of a situation.
And so, I lift my courageous hand
and I hit the table
First, with my fist
Second, with my pen.
After I watched it bleed
the ink, that is,
I didn’t clear the marks.
Instead I turned the blots into trees
and the sprinkles into rain.
I stared at the figure that resembled a girl
maybe for a moment too long
And I zoomed out again
seeing her world mesh with mine.
This is the one I created
This is a life I know
It’s here on paper!
Release.
Self-discovery.
The meaning of pain.
It’s all there.
It’s all the…
It’s..
And now, when the sun is ready
and I am conscious again
I wait until I see the warmth of red
through my lids
being flushed with light.
I wake up
and grimace at the ink mess on the floor.
But when I’m done cleaning
I look over at the paper
and smile at the words
that are so pure.
So permanent.
(2013)
This poem was written after re-reading an old blog post I wrote two years ago entitled "Change". At this point in time, I was just entering junior college, and was extremely disappointed with myself for not trying harder in high school to go to a four year university. I felt I was behind in academics, ow on creativity, and generally lost. Here is a link to my blog post on Tumblr:
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