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'til death did she part

they met at party known as a rager
she was fifteen back in the age of pagers
he was a Marine already age couldn’t phase her
she fell for him and that Harley
because she knew no better
 
she was small and malleable
her heart was true to the core
and huger than atmosphere
 
she was a lover
 
he was a fucker
she was a fighter
and he threw the punches
she was a visionary altruistic
he couldn’t see beyond himself
 
his reptilian brain ruled him
eat sleep and fuck was his motto
he’d bathe in the sun
smack her butt and slip his tongue  
 
he was a carpenter
doing wrong by jesus
swinging hammers at her psyche
with a lust for adultery
an addict more than an adult
a sinner of all sorts
consumed with consuming
a sick’s pack and a hot plate
side by side everything was fine
 
side by side stammering statements
degrading womankind
sipping away his patience
 
she gave him three children
that loved her hell out of her
she gave all of her heart
he punctured it under his thumb
he exploited the power
to make him feel better
she thought
she could fix her everything
 
she gave up her heart
she gave up the ass
praying she’d appease his demands
she’d sit on her feet holding the palms of her hands
begging her all mighty
as if he were god
 
her integrity was sacrificed
that day she lost
herself in a god
I never saw
 
plenty of days she’d seen enough
losing without gain
always losing his games
plentiful ways she’d been enough
undeserving pain
it was a constant strain
 
took her entire marriage
a quarter century
of methodical manipulation
to learn that a dick was heartless
maybe the pounding gave her hope
but he convinced her she couldn’t walk
so she didn’t run when she should have
might’a saved that precious life
 
his restraints out of order
he couldn’t help himself
restraining orders did nothing for her
with her mind chained to a sick man
 
feeding her dry lies
like he fed her them pills
and loaded her baggies
he packed her baggage heavy
and sent her off
on a bad one
 
he was supposed to be her rock
her ground but he only tripped her
slicked her slippery slope
to rock bottom
she carried his weight on her shoulders
he was the devil in both ears
whispering terrorist threats
isolating her from all angels
 
she had climbed
that endless beanstalk
with false faith
for jack
 
at the end
was gods garbage patch
all she could shoot
a buffet of the black
and a boy
who could never love her back

(2013)

I wrote this in honor of my mom and the pain of her love

#Abuse #Alcohol #Death #Divorce #Drugs #Marriage #ParentsTragedy

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