Pathological
The first time I heard the word pathological
She slammed my head against the wall
And I stared straight back into those eyes
Fuming with fire, scorching the house all around,
There was nowhere to run, nowhere to hide,
It was all over before it even began.
The first time I heard the word pathological
Was the last time I heard her say she loved me.
And I waited late into the night just to hear an echo,
But I had always been abandoned to the universe
Without even the comfort of sound to blind the nightmares.
The first time I heard the word pathological
I had passed into the gates of heaven for judgement
To be sent to suffer the eternity of hell.
And the charred terrain of hell is lined by lost love.
I am cursed to walk my punishment over perpetual heartbreak,
Without ever a chance for appeal or forgiveness.
The first time I heard the word pathological
My mind exploded into consciousness, bewildered
By the stench of betrayal and abandonment.
Constantly being dragged by my impulses for self-preservation.
A concept that escaped my parents, teachers, and doctors.
The first time I heard the word pathological
My character was being stripped, my dignity choked.
The words dragged me to an inch of my life.
And the pain served to dictate my future, and sear all that was wrong
into whatever neurons were swarming to escape the catastrophe.
The first time I heard the word pathological
I cried...
I took a knife and looked for where to cut...
It was my heart...
I needed to cut it out...
but I was afraid...
Of the hell that waited for me...
I was afraid...
of the infinity...
That waited for me...
I was afraid...
of my escape from the void...
having teased me with life.
(2015)
