the sound of October
The sound of October has been anything but silent.
The lions under my skin have eaten through my flesh;
If only their booming roars could make the sound of this silence, a little quieter.
I lay next to you in your king sized bed
long after you’ve fallen asleep,
trying to memorize the sound of your heartbeat; In case
it will be a while before I hear it again–
The sound of your life,
Is something I cant risk forgetting.
You speak to me with feelings and I answer you with words, my heart tied down like strings of a kite wrapped around my throat,
I can’t seem to bring myself to let you see, that I am anything but brave.
White noise beating through our eardrums
I can almost hear you letting go,
I can almost feel you giving up–
Almost.
This word sits in my gut like I swallowed an entire box of gunpowder.
Almost.
Almost happy,
Almost there,
Almost gone.
I let the sun rise over my bare shoulders as if trying to warm my body the way a sweater couldn’t;
I let the lions scrape through my bones until they found enough of me to recognize my body again.
I gripped onto the first and last book you ever bought me,
As if trying to let it hold me
In a way you’d no longer be able to.
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