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Inside the "Anonymous" Mind

Who was it that said
poems had to rhyme?
Were they just matching
words all that time?
Seems a little crazy
to me.
But what do I know?
I’m just a 16 year old,
putting on a show
for you, you, and you.
Making words stick like glue
On paper.
I was told I had potential
since I was in a diaper.
Is it too early for me to say,
that I got a skill that can pay,
All these debts I owe?
Debts to myself that are so,
Far from my reach.
I never had anyone to teach
Me how to think logically.
But I got a mind that can
think technologically.
Hopefully,
One day I’ll potentially,
let this mind go free...
Maybe...
 
But today, I’m hollow.
My heart’s filled with sorrow.
For all I do is borrow,
And make more debts I’ll
never follow
Up and pay off.
No matter what I do,
I know I’ve lost.
 
Let’s take it deeper
in my life.
Tell me if you see
anything you like.
We’ll go another mile through,
and I’ll pour some real
shit to you.
 
I guess I should start off
with my name.
I’m known as Justin,
nothing really insane.
Growing up
as the last of four.
I guess my parents didn’t want
any more.
Everyone once knew me as
“the baby.”
But lately,
I don’t think anyone can
say that to me.
I’m pretty sure that
nobody knew,
that this is what I
would gradually grow into.
 
Still not a man,
but definitely not a boy.
Recently finding an outlet,
which is to deploy,
Words of his mind from
a pen.
When his mind stops working
is when these messages
will end.
 
As a child,
being wild and free,
as any kid should be.
But, at the same time shy.
Saying I was outgoing and reckless
would be a lie.
But apparently,
I was the troublemaker,
doing the impossible and
known as a bone breaker.
From my wrist being dislocated,
to breaking the bottom of my back,
I guess my mom never had
time to relax.
There were also the feuds
with my siblings.
But that still is only
the beginning.
 
I could keep going on,
but I don’t think anyone
would want to wait this long.
But before ending,
I’d like to put more
moments in.
 
Currently, living in my home,
I can’t help but feel
just so alone.
My older brother and sister,
both gone.
Able to get away from
our family situation
gone wrong.
 
As the time went by,
depression decided to
hit me.
And in my dark thoughts,
I picked up a knife,
and slid it across my
left sleeve.
The knife was my pen,
and my arm my canvas.
I decided to let the pain
and anger out at last.
I was nothing but a monster,
a beast.
Creating marks of pain,
20 at least.
The worst pain of all,
is the headaches.
Being hit with one every single day,
you wouldn’t believe all
the agony it makes.
And almost all the time,
I hide and cry,
with no reason why.
But I can’t even lie,
it felt good inside.
No more having to confide
my feelings. Instead,
I took them off the leash,
and allowed then to come outside.
 
But looking back,
I wish I could rewind
The time.
To back when I was
just a boy.
In one hand, my mother’s hand.
And in the other, a toy.
Groups of kids
in the park,
Playing until  the day
grew dark.
No cares and no worry.
Back before I realized
I was part of an
infested story.
 
But that was then,
and I’m here now.
I can’t stop time
from spinning around.
 
My only solace,
is my hand and mind
working together to
create a poem.
But now adays,
you can seldom,
Find someone who can
appreciate a well written
piece of literature.
If you happen to find them,
you better keep him/her,
or whoever.
I’m probably now being
a bore.
So I’ll let you go.
You don’t have to listen
anymore.
But, if you crave
more info,
I’m always here.
You know where to go.

(2014)

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