You Left Me, Alone.
I lost him.
No, he’s not gone, he can’t be.
He was just here.
I just talked to him...
“You’re lying,” I say through a muffled sob.
“I wish I was,” he replied.
No. This isn’t real.
This can’t be real.
But it’s right here.
He’s right here.
Why would he lie?
He’s in the law enforcement.
And his mom is crying.
The love of my life’s mom
Is balling her eyes out.
Why would she cry
If it wasn’t real?
The sudden realization cripples me
And I fall to my knees
Unable to contain my grief.
I look at the body bag.
This isn’t real, dammit!
He can’t be gone!
He wouldn’t do this to me!
Why would he do that?
Why couldn’t he just stop drinking?
For me! For his mom!
For himself!
Instead he went out.
He went out with his friends
And he got drunk.
And now he’s gone.
He left me here.
Alone.
For one damn night.
And I hate him for it.
I hate the way I feel.
I hate that I didn’t die too.
That I wasn’t there when he took his last breath.
That I can’t have one more kiss
One more night
Because I can’t bring him back.
And I am swallowed whole.
Entirely enveloped in sadness
Overcome by an unbearable pain
The loss of the one I love most.
And there is nothing I can do.
I am stuck here, rendered helpless.
Unable to bring him back.
Unable to fix it.
And I just can’t stop crying.
Horrid sobs rip me apart,
So violent they rattle my body.
And I am alone.
Until I awaken.
(2015)
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