From my Prospective
The clock ticks slowly
As I countdown the seconds
Waiting for the signal of my release.
Why is it taking so long?
I just want to go see my baby.
*brrrrrrrrp*
We all jump from our desks and run out the room
Happy to finally be free.
I walk down the hall slowly,
Looking for his broad figure.
Nothing.
Where is he?
I wait for five minutes in our spot
Right next to the double doors.
Nothing.
Getting impatient I continue
Down the hall and find him
On the end, standing there
In his white tank top
Sweaty from gym.
I run up and grab his hand
Guiding him to where we always go.
But he won’t budge.
“Is everything okay?”
“Yeah, where are we going?”
“Where we always go, duh.”
“Oh I can’t. My sister is picking me up.”
His sister never picks him up this early...
“Okay?” I reply not sure what else to say.
He let’s go of my hand and guides us out the front door.
I don’t understand.
He’s been short with me all day
And won’t tell me what’s wrong.
I don’t know what to do.
I just pretend nothing is wrong and walk with him
Right up to the front of our brick school.
It’s maybe 30 degrees outside.
There’s snow on the ground,
A nip in the air.
I start to shake, not because I’m scared
But because I’m so cold.
Usually this is when he wraps me up
In his arms and covers me in his jacket.
But nothing.
I stare at him for a moment until he catches me staring.
He tells me to turn around and he puts his arms around me.
Well this is better, at least it’s something.
Then I feel him putting something in my pocket.
“What are you doing?
What are you putting in my pocket?”
I try to snatch it up but he won’t let me.
It feels like paper.
“Its just a letter,” he says to me.
I try again to take it from his grip
No luck.
“You can’t read it until I leave.”
“Fine.” I say, curious as to what he put there.
I let the thought slip my mind and I watch for my friends
Who aren’t here still.
“Where are they?” I whisper.
Having heard me he said, “I don’t know but my sister is here.”
Why is she so early?
“Oh, okay.”
I lean in to kiss him.
He hesitates before his lips meet mine.
Just a small soft kiss,
The kind that lingers but doesn’t tease.
“I love you,” I tell him, hoping he’s okay.
“I love you too,” he says without looking me in the eye.
He turns to leave and I almost stop him to ask what’s wrong.
But I just let him walk away.
I had completely forgotten the note in my pocket.
I called Crystal and she said she was inside.
I run in to see what they’re doing.
Chase, Crystal, Tara, Rebecca, and Michael are all sitting there waiting to go home
“What are you guys doing?” I ask them.
“Waiting in here because it’s too cold outside,” Crystal says.
Cold.
The note!
I pulled the note from my back pocket and leaned against the stairs.
I flip it over and the first thing I see is ‘the last letter.’
I nearly fall to the ground.
I know what this is...
Tears come to my eyes.
Crystal sees me and asks what’s wrong but I can’t reply.
I open to letter and read it.
As soon as I’m finished I have tears rolling down my cheeks.
I turn and sprint faster than I’ve ever sprinted past the double doors and to my bags.
All of my friends follow.
I get to my spot and collapse, tears covering my face and clothes
My whole body shaking from the quick breaths I’m taking.
Crystal runs up and asks what’s wrong, Tara right behind her.
I hand her the note and get up, walking directly left.
I make it to the wall by the rocks and collapse again.
I’ve never cried like this in front of people before.
I can’t help it, it hurts too much.
The way it is worded has broken me.
People surround me asking if I’m OK.
I get angry, and jump to my feet.
I turn to the wall and smash my fist into the side of it.
Ouch.
I turn around and they grab me, encasing me in a hug.
I fall to my knees once more.
Tell me this is a dream.
Tell me this is another one of my fucked up nightmares.
Tell me it’s not real...
But there’s no escaping the reality of this one.
I burst into laughter.
Of course.
Of course he’d bail when I need him most.
Of course he’d do this to me.
After all the hell we went through.
After everything I lost
HE’S the one giving up.
One line in the note caught my attention.
“I haven’t felt the same since Christmas break”
It hits me: Christmas break Laura told him she had always liked him.
No wonder they’d been hanging out so much!
It all makes sense.
Yeah I believe the school story
But that just fits too well.
If that’s what he wants that’s what he’ll get.
I walk over and grab my stuff.
I turn to my friends still bewildered by the fact that I pinched a wall,
Grab the note
Turn away
And get on the bus
Letting go of everything that has happened.
Letting go of us.
(2015)
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