Hidden in colors*
There are so many things wrong with me.
Permanent things I can’t get past, you see.
I don’t know where to go or which way to turn.
All I know is that I do need to learn.
Learn what I don’t know, what I’ve forgotten.
Figure out who I am, how I’ve become so rotten...
I hurt those I love and push them away.
While my heart starts screaming, “No! Please stay!”
I don’t know what to do or who to trust.
I’ve been hurt too much, my head might bust.
So instead I hide away in a sea of colors.
And manage, somehow, to forget the others.
(2015)
Lately I've been undergoing a lot. Trying to accept things I don't like nor understand. I can't talk to my parents because I don't want their help on this one. I want to figure it out on my own. Nor do I want to explain to them the internal conflicts consuming me... I do not know who to turn to. I won't worry him, so I won't tell him. Instead I choose to paint. To paint the colors of the world. To capture my happiness in an arrangement of blues, greens, yellows, and oranges. To color my way out of things. To forget that I have a problem at all...
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