I am scared and scarred.
I could talk about how I am struggling,
I could tell you how I feel right now
I could tell you that I think I am fine
but really I am just waiting for the day I cannot take it,
the day that I hurt myself again.
I could tell you that I am falling for my best friend,
the only person who gets this.
but too scared to tell them
I am too scared they aren't
but I am more afraid of there being something
and losing them, forever.
they are the only person I can think of who understands
the feeling of numbing silence,
when your Netflix asks if you are still watching,
because you have just been staring into the distance for hours,
when your parents call your name
but all you hear is white noise ringing out.
undertaking projects daily,
‘DIY, how to be alive’.
but being alive isn’t something you can craft out of scrap paper and half empty glue.
I have a mind that is losing itself in emotions it has created.
I have tried everything except dying, and I don’t want to.
and I hope I don’t ever get to the day.