My head my mind jus at a standstill thinking of silly ass thoughts and things that can never be real why do I torture myself in these foolish things why do I find completion in unfulfilling things I always been the type to fall hard but what can I say I have a big heart I guess u can call me a hopeless romantic for things I want And say I guess u can call me the fool cuz I put myself in positions to get played not only with love but in life in general my thoughts and open heart sometimes usually set me up for the minimal love of ppl I give and I give and for what I guess for a half ass thank you and fake ass support. My mind is constantly clouded with self regret and depression being alone and imprisoned in my own thoughts still searching for the key that can set me free I dnt say much cuz if I did ppl would definitely think iam crazy and tried to put me into some type of institute nobody truly knows what I go through nobody sees or fully understands me for me 22 still trying to find myself and meaning to my life like why am I here what purpose do I possess is this shyt all jus a test that iam slowly failing or unknowingly passing will my life forever be a daily struggle and taunting task. The physical and mental pain is sometimes unbearable but something I have learned to cope with everyday I fight to win and live to fight for a better purpose and a brighter day a real smile and not a smile to hide the pain something genuine not something fake shaking my mental cage and pulling on the bars of life until my hands are bruised doing everything I can to breakthrough my own lonely and sporadic mind suicidal lies and unforgiving goodbyes when will it stop seriously when the fuck will my pain end and am I wrong for wanting to give up and jus fall victim to my fuck up thoughts why me man why this would I truly be a lost would I really be greatly missed? All my life I have tried to smile and laugh my way through the bullshyt try to be in denial of the pain I go through and face but iam truly tired and dnt physically plus mentally know how much more I can take I believe that my sane mind lives in the pit of my insanity and unconventional thoughts I believe I hold the key to unlock what imprison me but in all reality i think iam just scared of me and what I can really be soo I keep myself caged because my mind has me convinced that if I set myself free failure and disappointment is what will become of me in all actuality sadly I believe failure is embedded in me and I think I rather be caged then set free at least in a sick twisted way I can somewhat control my fate and what truly lies within me.