Fears of My Soul
I’m scared of your love.
I am scared to feel it the way I do,
because if it stops it will hurt too much.
I am scared to love you back, but I do love you,
But I fear I don’t know how to love.
I am scared to trust your love,
Because I’ve been hurt by so many.
I know its not fair to compare
You to so many who lacked plenty.
But I am scared of your love
I don’t fear that you’ll leave as much as fear I’ll push you away,
That my defense mechanisms keep my guard up but pretend it’s okay.
I’m scared I’m not enough,
Enough to make you happy as much as some from your past.
That’s my own insecurities that I have.
But as untruthful as you may think it to be
I am scared I’m not enough to keep you happy with me..
I’m scared you will leave.
You tell me you are not going anywhere,
But sometimes I feel like I’m second choice to someone no longer there.
I feel bad for feeling and thinking these things,
But I’m scared you will leave me one day, its hard to say,
But your heart is not completely mine and that hurts me.
I’m sorry for my thoughts and the way that I feel,
However fictitious or baseless these things may seem to you,
I don’t know why I feel this way I just do.
Don’t be mad at my soul for speaking my mind
I try to ignore it and empty my mind,
It’s harder than I thought but man…
I’m going to try
Somehow I know that you love me,
And my thoughts are influenced by the scars cutting deep,
It’s not fair to put all the past on your shoulders,
But this repetitive thinking seems like it will never blow over.
I know you love me
But that’s the scary part see
Because everyone who says they love me,
Leave.
You love me so strong and baby I love you too that you must believe,
But I’m sorry your love scares the shit out of me.
(2013)
