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Want

I don’t want to sleep
It’s like surrendering to the night, and giving this day away
The day no matter how productive or traumatic, will never be yours again
I know once I close my eyes the ghosts will come for me
The ghost of what was, wasn’t, could, and could never be
It always ends the same, in defeat
 
I don’t like to blink
Resetting my sight, clearing my glossy eyes
I know once I blink I will never see the way I did the prior blink
Altering my perspective, against my will
Just as my eyes adjust they become unsettled
I have no choice but to accept the fact
 
I don’t want to start
I know my own will and motivation
Strong and pure in the beginning but always short lived
I want it, I want it, I want it to last…
I am always starting over and over again
I will continue to fail until I am tired of starting
 
I don’t want to live
I want more, so much more
I want to be ALIVE, I want life to offer me all it can muster up
The good and the bad I will embrace it all
I let the sleep, the blinks, and the starts pass me by
I will never stop wanting until I can start accepting what I already have

(2014)

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