Brain Spill
This is dedicated to someone a knew for a short while.
you cant hear it my fucking head
let me spill my mind
I fear so much, im always watching my steps
and now i sit in dark spaces, dark mind, choked up on dark meds
faces, words unkind, always alone in bed
and shes got me like how can i help? what do u need? but i aint really sure what she meant
shes an angel type, halo shines, her damn morals high
she rescues me cause she knows i need it
but am i fucking up her life
and im not sure am i her type
am I a necessity that keeps her going or do i burden her with weak ass problems, do i give her a reason to fight
and all these issues constrict my brain and smoke inhaled is my constant high and everyday i smile she knows its not real but she aint know shes worth my while
and i keep going and going and going
my brain keeps flowing and flowing and flowing
and i keep hoping and hoping and hoping
then it just stops
and i aint up for embracing strains of pain cause in reality it kills my brain im emotionally drained my souls quite faint
and im switching off
then one day she gets on up
i aint taking this anymore im packing up
and thats the day i realised one bottle wasnt enough
and every night id go through her stuff
its that paranoia of losing that had me wrecked
and id sit for hours and i’d reflect and id go on a wondrous path
thinking how alone i am
fuck, whats left?
isnt it funny my friends would say
my mind aint working the same, im fucking destroyed inside, a rush of moments that made me happy inside and now they piss me off hurricane meeting a tide
theyd say its the happiness you create, its a smile plastered on your face, its a viral infectious feeling that you chase
well i must be dead
cause i feel nada, zombie like, why do i bother
and if im drinking heavily, ill turn just like my mother
hard drugs and id be a goner
leave a fucking message at the tone, ill never receive a responder
and i keep moping and moping and moping
my brain keeps woken woken woken
and she keeps calling and calling and calling
then one day it just stopped
these days i sit inside
i no longer erupt im quite numb and living scared on planet tough
