always the pennies lie
father, my life has been hell
you turned your back on me,
the smallest glimmer of value
I meant less than that to thee
what revolution will you have me spin
what necessity of peace can conform
you shone the bullet with which you now aim
and cordially invite me to embrace its norm
father, what promise did you regale me with
from all those children’s books you didn’t read me
my greatest wealth you took without compunction
and to my regret I gave it freely
I’m no believer in the movement of good
a falling man will hit the floor regardless
the little known act of repentance and prayer
mean nothing without apologies, whispered airless
I was the apple and you the strong tree
and when I fell I hit the floor as hard as I could
just to try to make you hear my screams, cries
you never listened and I didn’t think you would
a sorrowing beauty leaves a childhood bereft
what was once thought as idyllic seems less, austere
the privilege of a future is the road you’ve already seen
and the sight to see the truth however severe
father, I remember each violent act
each condition you’d rant as train sets got smashed
and the difficulty tomorrow would bring upon me
but a stronger man without thought you made me
never one to give the smallest of encouragements
ignorance and fists were your language and legal tender
never paying any interest at all in my schooling
you’d sit watching the box in silence, forever
as fathers go that’s all you are
you have no love and no heart for me
you pay no mind to my children either
I suppose that’s just the way you have to be
there’s a sorrow I feel and I know I shouldn’t
I still need your acceptance but to give you couldn’t
I looked upon you as the divine as a child
I’m indifferent to you, not a frown nor a smile
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