Almost enough
Here I sit adorned
with trophies for second place
and ribbons condescendingly stating a 'Valiant effort’
or 'Better luck next time’.
Made to look easy by everyone else
and even easier knowing its genesis requires no effort.
I redefine apathy
and still win another consolation prize.
A hot sun burns through clouds
as pretty as they are productive.
A verdant jungle hugs my space
enclosing the life I have chosen to live.
Hardly the place to speak of deficiency.
Yet I am alone.
Even though I love,
it is in a general sense,
like a hypothetical question.
Devoid of focus,
it fluctuates wildly
at the mercy of moods
and of circumstance.
No kisses anchor it.
No face arouses it.
No touch affords it shelter.
No presence guides
or comforts it.
To think of love in degrees
is to show you’ve never felt it.
It’s never gripped your soul
like an ocean swim on a hot summers day.
It’s never puppeteered your movements
like you’ve drunk too heavily from the cup of life.
It’s never left you smiling and daydreaming
while your dinner burns
and uncaring you eat crackers instead
and enjoy them like Heavens bounty.
Shooting clay pigeons,
I shot a passing eagle.
Bobbing for apples,
I nearly drowned.
Chasing an endless summer,
I keep getting sunburnt.
If almost enough
was enough,
I’d be on the podium
not in the stands watching.
A participant in life,
but a spectator in love.
The beauty of both
lies in the experience
not the analysis of.
So I retire my pen
and the sadness that impels it,
to throw myself into a day
that needs me to be loving
more than I need to be loved.
(2013)
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