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My real life, HBO Now Channel

tonight
I put myself
into Christmas jail...
I mean lately
I’ve put myself
through a lot
of things...
my body
&
my mind...
who am I,
what am I doing...
you know
those kinds
of things
& well
here I am...
feeling way too full...
way too full
of everything
I shouldn’t be full with...
changes are upon us
& im not sure
where my role
or wait
rather where...
I am among all of it...
Tonight,
I realized that in waking life
we may be nothing more
than what we call human.
But we are then,
human walking insects...
where our wings
branch out from
our shoulder blades...
not like a bird are we,
not like the mighty
goddess creatures,
we are nothing
more
than
lowly creatures
who crawl the ground
and when we try
to fly
we never
get very far...
So am I
the lowly insect
truly
whom is watched over
no better than westworld...
a game to those above...
I can feel them
standing around me now,
looking over the window
of what is my life...
so they decide?
Do you all
decide my fate here?
Am I not
just as much
a god or goddess,
rather as you?
Did you subject
me here
or
did I
make myself
part of this experiment,
    all on my own?
Then I hear them...
talk to me when I ask...
Tonight they say,
you are one
of the great thinkers
for thousands of years...
How many thousands?
Thousands and thousands...
What is my purpose?
You know what your purpose is...
That sounds
like your telling me
I’m one of you..
You know who you are...
you know
that you are one of us...
Am I
on the good...
The good (before I can finish)
They call to me
They call
My name...
... just walk
& it will all fall into place...
Is that
really my Nakr (name)...
 
I’m coming
into
who
I am slowly...
I realize
I’m awakening
at a slower pace
than I was meant too,
a lot to catch up
with and too...
like the Indian
my wolf helps
me sometimes...
she feels
the need to protect me,
especially when
I open myself
to these places...
 
She sits above my head...
protecting me
Watching over
not because
there may be
a Mouse
in the Walls
but because
of what might
seep into
my brain
at night...
she looks out
for me
like that,
ruling over me
in the under world
that is my princess...
the true princess..
I’m grateful for her,
for her having my side...
with all the battles
that I need to win at night...
there is no other
I’d trust to be there
with me,
before me...
others might
never understand
& that’s okay,
they needn’t know
what we protect
them from in the night...
the best
I can explain
is coming
& at moments
it arrives
I am elated
to share
& try
to help
them see,
our world
is no different...
the game of thrones
is real every day -
maximized only now
& my direwolf...
well she is
our family legacy
& the only one left at that,
since...
phelan means
little wolf
& im the only
one who answers...
no that doesn’t
make me
the crippled
3 eyed hawk...
however I love
3s...
however
I have died
& come back
essentially
still I am not
John stark...
although
sometimes
I feel like it..
I mean
from the
not my parents
perspective...
the 5 siblings
I understand
& the honor
in family
I get
I’m no
girly figure
in this life
series either...
but
I am
part
of the earth
or this dust
at least
in this life
& I know
the land
is the answer
the animals
are the answer...
the beauty
that surrounds us...
are the answers...
and
yes
winter
   is coming...
           so hodo...

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