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Stupid Whore

You lied
to get me
into only
your bed
you cheated
me of my head
wait
that’s not true
It was me
it wasn’t you
I fooled myself
I might be cursed
I believed
I wanted to believe?
I don’t even know
the difference anymore
can’t trust myself
caught up in a moment
the mood
the words, your words
the feelings
the sharing
the magic,
it seemed to make
it felt like the moment
we all wait for forever
perfect night
perfect timing
perfect fitting
setting
I was caught in your net
your web
like prey
I lost myself
to stupid to see
it had to be more
didn’t it
it must be more
isn’t it
I’ m not wrong
it felt right
isn’t it real
I felt it, didn’t I
didn’t you, why
didn’t you
something that feels
so right, can’t be
wrong, about you
your intentions
so I slipped
I fell –into
what I had
hoped for
wished for
a fairytale
of perfection
or was it illusion
did I create it
all by myself
I trusted
you,
me,
I guess that’s it
I trusted, believed
call it what you will
I guess it wasn’t
must not be real
I’m tired of the
acting, the scenes
I just want the real
story, that doesn’t
have an end
that scene that
is just right
where I’m not wrong
I’ve become so good
at fooling myself
I just learned
I wanted you
just you
in a world full
of options, no
I focused all on
you, like a target
you will be mine
because...
I am yours,
I already gave
myself to you
didn’t you see it
didn’t you feel it
wasn’t it so right
so perfect
like we were made
to come together
I’ve always waited
for that day
that moment
to feel so complete
so completely absorbed
into someone
with someone
so I gave you
me, all of me
in that moment
I didn’t resist
how could I
how could I stop
something from
becoming one
that seemed made
that seemed meant
to be united
like a car without
fuel, how could you drive
without you inside
how could I live
I wanted it again
and again
I never wanted it
to stop or you
you to stop
or you to intend
anything less
then your words
now confuse
make no sense
like your top
I feel myself spin
then stop
then spin me again
but never intention
past seeing
how far
I’d go, you’d get
I feel, I fell
I fell for it
I feel for you
into you
& I let you
fall into me
right then
swooping
fast, so fast
never, never do
I move at this speed
I feel the bruises
now, from my fall
my stupid heart
romantic heart
too much feeling
too much love
too much wrapped
into the moment
your moment
with you
it took over,
it took me over
stupid heart
where was my head
lost, lost in the
perfect words, the
perfect everything
my head was in sync
with my heart
that almost never
no never
happens
so I was in sync
with my being
my soul
it told me it was
okay, how could
you do that to me
how could you
have that much
power, if it wasn’t
even real, magician
you must be
have it,
take it,
my heart
keep it
I’m done with
it, don’t need it
anymore
It fooled me
this time
for the last time
the biggest lie
the biggest fool
the slipping
of my soul
it might have
let me be
a harlot
in that moment
but it sure
won’t be making
me a harlequin
anymore,
because I’m
nobodies fool
especially not
my own.

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