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When everything seems like a bad dream, go to sleep

I love dream time...

You know realizing that I’m so beyond or maybe that I think I am beyond is the problem... I don’t really know, because I’m living it, so relax... I’m going to figure it out... I hope... part of me feel stupidest a big mistake...
Another thing about where am hand & foot what a strange name for a place to drink & maybe eat ...but even just as bizarre to me was this little section of books they had stashed away behind the bar onto a shelf ...beers, a new turn south, satire, and 3 other titles I couldn’t really see from where I sat.
Now my drink - tequila with possibly the freshest grapefruit juice I’ve had in some time as I was assured that they squeeze it fresh & it was given to me like a little garnishment instead of a mixer & I really liked that ...it helped me feel like I could be a hologram here too... sadly the older gentleman that came in & sat next to me, expecting conversation because his sister was in Mexico - I feel for, I’m not always nice... Sometimes I just want to be left alone or I just want to do what I’m trying to do here... that’s it...
What I realize is that I can trust no one... you know they just don’t help you... it’s all about them...
Then this wind, it’s may & yet it feels like winter, why?!?
Do I call him?!? Or don’t I? After realizing I was blown off by - someone who always said we’d be friends no matter what, it hurts...
God why am I hear, what can this do for me?...
Why am I still wanting “him” or even thinking about it...
I’m so outside myself & I’m not sure anyone ...anyone... could understand, but it is his voice, why his voice? If I called... then right then someone else that really knows me texts me...
To remind me that, I deserve the best, that I am the best, that he knows, my quality & if I’m not getting what I deserve then ...well I’m settling...
I listen all around me, to what they all say, this place, so small - they judge me... they don’t care & they think they are the ones who rule what is & isn’t..
Then I saw, NYS pizza..had to have it... hopping it would change something I feel about this city or myself... hoping it would make me different or happy or something I hadn’t felt in forever... that was it I just wanted to feel!!!
So I go but I knew just who’d have my back... my other, my twin power, who’d activate in the form of any position or thing with me... Dallas, Dallas who after his usual request of a photo of me, and his usual flattery, although I must admit this time it was a little more than I can remember– which caused my vagina to twang a little... full knowing he was real in the dream that asked me or really answered me on where to go... Dallas, he was so tall & handsome it was hard to miss him amoung the women & my family ...talking, while he stood high above & looked only at me, just me.,.back to right now, he sent me a photo, saying he’s not good at selfies... what?!? Omg! Was that him?!? The same guy I mean I knew he rose my temperate to the point of leaky but wow! Like It has been way too long..,he just looks so handsome & sexy in bed ...where I belong next to him, I do...

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