These sheets still embed an outline of where you used to sleep
I lay each night beside that outline and breathe in so deep
Knowing the air I breathe is the same you once let slip from your own lips
That’s what keeps me going
That one little thought
Life now can be such a trip
So unpredictable
So complex
Some days are hard
I take those in steps
Some days I break
Those are easier to just fake
I can’t look at your pictures
I can’t listen to your voice
I can’t read your notes
I still can’t even believe
So I breathe
It may seem ridiculous
It may not make sense
It doesn’t have to for you
For me, It’s my only defense
Somehow in that instant you aren’t so out of reach
With one simple breath
The air is sweeter
My mind finally clear
I feel so close in that moment
For that second you are here


After I became so close with Sydni in teen leadership I despised the idea of this day, saying goodbye watching her leave along with all the other seniors. I knew I would bawl as I took that last picture with her out on the field. I hated to even think of it. Now I wish I was crying for her to leave and set off to start a life. I wish I could have that last photo that hug filled with annoying sobs from two emotional girls. I didn't expect to stay in touch with her my whole life or for her to come visit me but I expected that last day. Tomorrow is going to be hard for us all and there's nothing I can do or say to make things better except to just breathe.

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