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Once Again

I used to be an ordinary girl,
Still trying to decide whether to make my hair straightened or curled.
I used to have an ordinary life,
But now all I feel is strife.
I used to cut, and now I’m doing it again,
It feels so good, yet I know it’s sin.
Why do I want to do this to myself?
Why do I want to destroy and ruin my health?
I cry every night,
And I rarely respond why I’m told hi.
I love to help,
But I, for some reason, cannot help myself.
I feel like this is the way to survive.
And if I don’t do it, I won’t survive,
And should just go off, kill myself and die.
These thoughts of suicide make me cry,
And wonder “Why?”
But I know that the answer is too tough for me alone to find.
I wish, for once, instead of me helping someone else,
Someone could just help me,
So I do not have to just flee.
I wish to be healed,
I wish sometimes wish to be killed.
I wish for, in the darkness, will shine the sun,
So I don’t have to go find it through run.
Why is it that someone feels so alone?
Why is it that when I’m talked to, I just moan.
Why is it that I cry,
And wonder why?
Why is it that I’m so full of questions,
Yet when I try to search for the answers, someone just outs me down, and makes me frown while I cut, carve, and slice?
I have questions, and will find the answers someday.
That someday will be the day I’m healed, and the day I realize I’m not alone.
It will be the day I realize to talk instead f moan.
It will be the day I smile instead of cry,
It will be the day I forget about suicide.
That is all in the future,
So until then, I’m stuck here with my pains, and sad memories.
My only comfort is the people who I see care for me.
That number may be in the ones digits, but at least it’s not zero, or in the negatives.
Thank you for my life, because I am who I am.
The cutter who cuts,
The girl who wants to quit at life,
The girl who cries and wonders why,
The girl filled with so much strife.
I am the one you saw as happy, but filled with very little, am I truely.
I hope your happy to see me like this, or at least mixed feelings,
For if you are not, how shall I follow your light out of the darkness?
Out of the shadow hole?
I must leave here, but I need you to guide me.
Can you be the light I need you to be?
Please?

(2014)

Will you promise to be my light?

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