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Aspiration

I can’t run from myself and that’s what I find me doing every time.
I can’t help what I am, who I become, what’s inside, the parts of me I’m trying so hard to hide, the parts of me that died.
There’s no shine in these eyes, they grow dull over time. I’m afraid to tell you how bad it is because I don’t want you to worry.
I tell you I’m fine when deep inside I’m hurting. When I tell you that you are my hope I mean it, it’s just these demons they deceive it.
Please I’m begging don’t give up on me I know it seems as you’re not doing anything.
That what you’re doing isn’t working, but honestly I love my family but if it wasn’t for you I would have been killed myself, I would have been burning in the depths of hell.
Maybe it is all in my mind but what you fail to realize is how one mind can kill them inside and out. How each scar I make forms itself.
How each one tell my story. In every drop of blood that hits the floor the more hurt and pain leaves my body, the more scream I feel inside, the more release I feel, the more stories I hide.
I’ve been hurt but who hasn’t, I’ve be broken and never glued back together, I’m cutting myself on my own shattered pieces.
I’m breaking down and I don’t know the reason.
If I could stop I would, if I had control I’d take it, if I was strong enough I’d continue this fight.
But that’s when you come in, I lost almost all my strength but I seem to find it in your eyes, I lost all hope but you’re where my hope lies.
Within your smile, or maybe your voice, or maybe your heart is where my faith lies.
So when I tell you you’re my hope don’t think I’m telling lies, just don’t give up on me I told you it’s hard to fight and yes I do wanna kill myself but your starting to change my mind.

(2014)

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