I wanna write a love poem for you but every time I go to think I can only think of bad things. Memories of a broken heart and bleeding scars. Of heart ache and silent thoughts. Feelings of emptiness a hollow shell dwelling pain and lips that will never tell. Beat up ad broken, lies and wounds left unspoken. All I need was a speech, a little talk, and some belief. But would that be enough to release me from a pain so deep it scars my soul. My silent screams are finally getting free. But there’s too much to understand, too much to be heard, too much described in one word. Unbearable!
I’m not just coming at you everybody played a part and well too. What everybody fails to realize is there’s truth behind these lies, pain behind this smile, and it all boils down to now. I’m exposing can’t you see. I’m exposing every last bit of me. The pain, the scars, the story behind it all. I’m openly outspoken and filled with empathy. I’m exposing everything. I find it funny how a smile can hide a broken heart and how the masking of my feelings is a secret art. I’m damaged forever and my thoughts are stained, you may think it was okay but it gave me personal pain.
But I didn’t know any better because it didn’t start from you I had no clue, I thought that’s what we’re supposed to do. A picture here, or maybe a video, or a touch there. I scrubbed and scrubbed but I never scrub enough. I still felt dirty and I still do. I’ve been used and tossed to the side, but I wasn’t supposed to tell I was supposed to hide. So I kept everything on the inside. Even when I tried to tell my problems I just stressed out everyone’s lives. As my tears fall my scars formed. Blood dripped and I found release. A way to escape the thought of my innocent being stolen, my heart being broken, I’m exposing! Maybe I should take it back to a fatherless child, her hopes and dreams were being let down.
I cried and begged and asked why but nothing worked he just stayed away building his pride. But why was I begging for a stranger in my life when all I needed was mom who helped me sleep every night. But you weren’t always there; drugs took you by storm, pulling you by the hair. You remember that night we came looking for you, me and Devon, I knew where you would be but they refuse to let me in. we walked away holding each other and Devon said to me don’t worry I gotcha. You ran out that house and took your life back, my tears faded from that and forgiveness came.
Yet I still had to deal with my dad abusing my mom. Hearing screams and watching her pick herself off the ground after being throw down, spit on and kicked in the face. The sight disgraced my mind, thoughts and sickened my heart. Finally he left for a while, left me not with a kiss but with all the bad thoughts and trauma from everything that went down. Still till this day I’m a fatherless child, he took me and broke me, always let me down. You fool your causing damage to this wonderful child. Then I started to hurt myself more. Causing myself pain that others inflected, call they self trying to help.
Maybe someone to love me would put this all to an end, but I was wrong because more problems began. I was damaged, stuck on the false love I was giving by others. Thinking my old ways were good ways only to find myself hurting him, then he hurt me now were spiraling down this path of make belief. Causing each other pain, beating each other at our own games. But that doesn’t stop the fact he helped me speak up and that I thank  for you you, so much. I get my hopes up high just to watch them fall every time. It’s a fight I constantly lose, I always leave this battle broken and bruised. Everybody else hurt me why can’t I hurt me. Why can’t I feel so low about myself, I’m exposing how I truly felt about myself. How much I hated to look in the mirror because all I could see was lies and deceit. How much I hated my own guts because I couldn’t see the beauty that I buried inside of me. I put on this beauty show so the world wouldn’t know how much my heart sink every
Time I think of me, how the pain building up only caused more cuts. Left speechless, my strength started to fade and my faith wasn’t there anymore. I found myself shattered on the floor. I couldn’t take it anymore but no one ever noticed how affected I was from all the memories, how much the pain devoured me. How departed I was from myself. How many tender tears fall from my eyes. I had all kinds of reason to cry. How can I be surround by love but feel nothing. My mind was corrupting my heart, yet still no one could see I was falling apart.
Down to the point where I wanted to die, tried overdosing plenty of times, tried cutting but I could never cut to deep. I guess God was telling me it’s not time to leave. I was wondering where was god in all of this but he showed me he was right by my side when he sent me this guy. Tall and smart, handsome and strong he took me by the hand and told me what I was doing was wrong. He told me I was beautiful and I could use his strength to get through this fight, I crashed and burned sometimes but I always made it through the night. He made me feel safe, no harm to come, falling was easy because I felt safe in his arms.
From time to time we fall off but at the end of the day our bound remains strong. 8 months of hard work paid off, I’m starting to see a light, I’m regaining my faith I’ll never question god again. He sent me this wonderful person that helped me dig up my beauty so I could see what he sees. He helps me love me and cleared up my scars. I’m becoming free from the demons that once trapped me.  I was held captive, I was my own enemy. I bound myself in chains and I never thought I could be released. I’m exposing, I’m finally getting free. My scars their beautiful as can be, their me, and they tell my story! I see this light inside me it’s shinning my way through the darkness I once felt.
I’m not saying I’m fixed, that everything’s okay, I’m just saying I’m starting to escape my pain. I’ve exposed these things to let you know, so you can stop wondering, here it goes. I’m exposing can’t you see, I’m exposing every last bit of me. The pain, the scars, the story behind it all. I’m openly outspoken and filled with empathy. I’ve exposed everything.