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Fate

Do I even want to be saved from this everlasting fate that dwells with in me, or am I just blinded by how deep I’ve falling into the asylum of my mind.
Every day is a constant struggle, an ongoing fight, a battle that I lose at the end of the night. Darkness is caving in on me and my scars are starting to fade, but while the old ones fade new ones form.
I’m painting a pretty picture on a canvas of my arms. I’m destroying this body that everybody thinks is so beautiful, when all I see is the ugly, degusting, truth that lies in plain sight.
I’m trying but I’m tired of putting up with this fight. I have been strong for way to long and I just can’t take this anymore. I can’t get help and I don’t want it.
I don’t want it because I’m already too long gone, I’m not falling anymore I have reached the bottom of this inevitable, inescapable, God forsaken place.
No walls, no doors, no way out. There’s nothing but me drowning in my own madness that took over my mind, body and soul.  This madness that controls, me.
I just want to be happy; I want to be free from the bloody bar wire chains that wraps me tight in its grasp. I’m breathing but there’s no air. I have fallen but who cares.
You see they all want to help, want to take part in this madness that I posses, so they can say “well at least I tired”. But what did you really try to do because right now I’m without a clue.
Are you trying to get me to stop cutting my beautiful skin, do you want me to dry my eyes, do you want to hear my silent cry’s? Want me stop this act, stop pretending to have problems, to stop seeking attention? I hide my problems, I hide my scars, when you see me my eyes are always dry, and upon my face is always a smile.
I lie and say I’m beautiful around you when really you have no clue how I feel about myself. How dark my mind really is, how many problems I face, but I’m only a kid. I have nothing to worry about you say. Look at my arms and thighs and you tell me where my problems lie.

(2014)

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