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Back Of My Mind

I try to put you in the back of my mind but you always wind up in the back of my heart
And those matters leave me with no control, a fight left futile
Vision blurred, an ache unseen, and thought process torn apart
Convincing myself to give up repeatedly, dreaming of you all the while
Every morning spent waking to the jagged pieces of my own fallen heart
Clenching at the broken part of me as I roll up to the edge of my bed, feet dangling
Shaking my head ridding myself of the latest images of you, getting ready for another start
Planting my feet again when I just want to fall back down, the easiest thing being collapsing
The pain is inside of me with no destination; but somewhere I know the physicality isn’t real
It’s numbing and torturous; filling and creating a void with passion and the inhumane
Telling myself a heart can’t really break despite this ache I can’t pretend to feel
I try getting up while avoiding the black framed mirror set in front of me
It’s usually perfect placement allows me to see what this never after has done
My reflection is what proves that there is a broken heart that belongs to the girl I use to be
All the aches and jagged edges become real, refuting all of logics’ claims, leaving none
One look in my eyes and I know…then the tears are in danger of flooding
At times I’ll allow one or two to fall just as I’m about to apply my cover up
The perfect name for the product that swipes them away as my smile is being placed, I’m applying
Then the rest adds a sparkle of life to the eyes, not too much, but just enough
As I walk out the door now only I can see that today I’ve awoken with a broken heart
Placing you in the back of my mind again, knowing tomorrow we’ll be back to yesterday mornings’ start…
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