Shoulder view
*Shoulder view*
Just a quick glance over my shoulder
I can’t look too long at it.
Here comes that sinking feeling in my gut
The clutching galloping in my chest
For just one second
I can’t breathe........I have forgotten how.
Wipe sweating palms on denim thighs
Everything fades under a rosy blue hue.
I can see, but then, not
Into my head my eyeballs retreat;
Hiding.
But clear as a bell, or maybe a drum,
My heartbeat pounds
Up through the top of my skull.
The panic wraps its steely fingers
Strong, cage like
Polished chrome vines
Snaking into my heart, my brain, no.....
My thoughts.
And all at once
Thought, sensation and reflex
Bond in a glorious menage.
I am startled from being startled
Thinking...
What have I done?
Where have I lost it?
How will I ever get it back?
My life.....
Have you seen what I did with it?
Oh no. Oh no. OhnoOhnoOhnoOhnooooo
This remorse that makes
Me hug myself
Against the ache of it.
Defeat is a sleepy feeling.
This one is difficult to describe. As simply as I can put it is that I tend to be introspective and a consequence of that is that I can get myself anxious about things. It is a wild and frustrating feeling. It happens when I think a lot about the fact that all I have ever been is a housewife and a mother. I feel like I have wasted my life, simply wasted it. I have had serious health issues that have prevented me from working AND two of my kids have disabilities AND my husband forbade me to work...but still I feel like if I were stronger or smarter or SOMETHING I would have been able to over come all that and not waste my life. I told you it was difficult. LOL
