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love is only a four letter word

she turns back but moves forward

I will not even try to justify my incapability to love or care for another human being.
I refuse the idea of holding on to something that is only a guest in my miserable life, the impunities that are somehow mounting up to tear my wall down.
This guilt I will live with, my eternal struggle, my constant weakness that I have had to battle ever since I learnt to… car…e
Even my words are like a broken record, a song of misery that keeps on repeating itself just to remind me of the pain I endured for what seemed like a millennium, it is as though it is trying to comfort me, to lick those wounds I have plastered with glue and paper which is why they still hurt.
Darling try to understand that I will not let this destructive infectious stranger to lead me into troubled waters, I have been there, I have built a well with those tears all because of what you are trying to make me feel.
Love is nothing but a four letter word that lends itself well to every story told from mother to child to the world. What is it about that word that makes the world go into such haywire, like a child who cannot control his hormones all because he does not understand these feelings he’s caught up in, these wretched emotions that are trying to change his homeostasis.
Look, listen and please try to understand that love to me means something different to what you know and trust me, I am not misguided in my definition of love; it paints itself as something beautiful, something that allows you to take mad chances. In fact you get so caught up in it that you adapt it’s personality and forsake your own. It makes you feel things that you can’t quite control. It lowers down you guard and makes you weak and vulnerable, allowing your enemies to attack. It is like an infectious desease that has no cure and therefore renders us hopeless.
I refuse to be caught up in the melodramatic woes of l-o-v-e. if it means I have to be a lone ranger, honey I will be just that. After all I found it here and I intend to leave it here.
My new found freedom where I am no longer bound by chains of slavery has allowed me to move and go on. Love has no hold over this black sister. ciao

(2014)

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