In front of the eager class
stood the fool
who had been hand-picked
by the professor
to share
an indelible life story
learned knowledge and wisdom.
“What do you want me to say?”
asked the fool before the first session.
“I want you to talk about
why you started researching
the indigenous Maasai populations
of the Nairobi Desert, and
what inspired your thesis
that animal theories of mind
can be realized
through cultures
that hail animals
as superior beings
to homo sapiens.”
Of course, the fool
had no earthly idea
what the hell
the professor was on about.
He had only met him
at the bar the night before
and had a vague memory
of agreeing to show up
somewhere and do something.
“I’m sure the great
Charles Sindowski
can easily wow
any impressionable
student audience
that finds MY teaching
worth any salt!”
said the mis-informed professor.
Sure, thought the fool,
the great Charles Sindowski.
That was indeed his name,
but the only academic
pursuit he could remember
was when he accidently found
himself at a college bar
after a night of grand drinking
and attempted to drink
even more
but without paying
and then
getting tossed out
by a beefy gentleman
by the name of Chigurh
after attempting
to get familiar
with the barkeep’s
favorite blonde college dawn.
“Eh…how long will this take?”
Asked the fool,
incredibly conscious of the
nail-biting hang-over
he was currently nursing.
“Oh, just about all morning,
then an hour long lunch
with some of the
forward students
who want to pick
your brain
over cups of coffee.”
Oh god, the fool thought.
I don’t think this idiot
realizes that I’m not
the guy
he’s talking about.
“And, uh… how much
will this…endeavor…
be profiting me?”
“Oh, well, I hadn’t actually
thought about that.” Admitted
the professor.
That’s not what I wanted to hear,
thought the fool.
How can I get the hell out of here?
“I could talk to the administration
about your compensation. You should expect
around $2,000 for the day.”
“$2,000!?!” The fool hollered.
“I know, meager compared to what
you are used to. I’ll pull a couple
strings and see about doubling it.
Shouldn’t be a problem.”
“Oh, yeah, of course. No problem.”
Said the fool, immediately sober now.
And so both men walked into the classroom,
and students asked “Dr.” Sindowski
about his experiences living amongst
the tribal peoples of central Africa
and he answered each and every
question with tales
that grew grander and grander
as he spoke
until the students were
hanging on the edge of their seats,
nails digging into the false wood finishes,
and the professor,
beaming at how lucky a man he was
to be hearing these tales of wisdom
in person.
How he would be the envy of academic faculty
throughout the country!
He, who had found the elusive Dr. Sindowski
(who had ceased contact with the known world for just about a decade)
sitting in a lowly dive-bar on a Tuesday night.
And the fool, who was the genius of the day,
walked away with an $8,000 check
that did not bounce.


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