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chances, mis-steps, happenstance, and regrets

Everyone deserves a second chance,
but be careful because what appears to be
an opportunity to advance,                                                          
is just an engraved mis-step,
a doomed failure in disguise,
or worse just happenstance.
At the right place at the right time,
only to end up being the wrong person.
 
There’s no use worrying about something you don’t understand.
But my memory is fuzzy around my childhood,
inadequate with my best times,
and a reprimand with my worst.
As if the good times happened not to me
but someone I’m reading about in a book.
And as if the bad times happened not
five years ago,
six months ago,
or even yesterday,
but like I’m still reliving it,
every second of every moment,
every day for the rest of my life.
 
I’m too young to have this many regrets,
I don’t want anymore chances that aren’t meant for me.
I don’t want to ride anyone else’ wave.
I want to be brave enough to create my own chance.
I want to be self assured enough to ride my own wave.

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