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These are the things

These are the things I can never tell you,
The things I must carry alone.
They’re things I whisper in secret,
For they never must be known.
 
The first is that I hate you,
For all you did and said.
You lied to me and used me,
Cut me ‘til I bled.
 
But the second is that I’m sorry,
For whatever I did wrong.
I never meant to hurt you;
I was just trying to be strong.
 
The third is that I lied to you:
I ignored you because I was scared.
For I hated you even then,
And yet somehow still I cared.
 
So the fourth is that I miss you,
Every single day.
And at night I feel you there,
Although you’re far away.
 
The fifth is that I see you,
The ghost you left behind
On the bridge, the stairs, the crossing:
Always on my mind.
 
The sixth is that I’d recognise
Your laughter anywhere,
And that thing your nose does when you smile—
Nothing can compare.
 
The seventh is that I admire
The confidence you show.
I suspect of late it has its limits,
But it’s impressive, even so!
 
The eighth is that I remember
How you’d always brighten my day.
When I passed you in the street
You made everything seem okay.
 
The ninth is that I liked the poem
You wrote when we first met.
I know that this one hardly compares,
But I’m trying even yet!
 
Because the tenth is that I love you
And I always have, I guess.
I know it sounds cliché,
But it’s time I said it nonetheless.

(2014)

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