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Open Wounds

I’m thinkn like what the fuckk am i doing with my life... This the reason i abandoned all the wrong, right?? My spirit so close to knockn on deaths door, that i’m doing anything to feel alive...

Spending most of my days just thinkn about getn high, cause if im high then the time slows down, but the depression & regrets go by.

I got ghosts haunting me from my past(from a mother who no longer had the option to raise me, til a close family member that would degrade me whenever possible, to finally be apart of a family & then find out that they was trynna shade me & later on found a lover that i sometimes feel trynna play me and i’m like shit my intuition ain’t never betrayed me; that’s just dealing with redundant situations of never being good enough for no nigga cause shit i had them days where i wasn’t good enough for myself & i still do, but what helps keeps me up is knowing how pure my heart is & no matter what i feel the feeling is always true to itself, so now do you blame me for thinkn that every muthafukka trynna play me?)

& it has me like is it worth all this frustration & built up anger?, the thought of not being able to change it just chains me with anxiety, i grief like a muthafukka til i get mad.

a new day starts & i just replay it all back like my temple is made outta a cassette disk or an 8 track...

A bitch is stuck in her own misery, constantly prayn every night that this shit can’t get to me...

cause now it’s escaping my reality & seeping into my dreams, so i’m just like what is real anymore?, cause the fake feels real & the real feels like a fake ass lie. Do i just lay here & take this shit or do i get up on my fukkn feet & stand chest  to chest to this shit like i can’t be beat?, cause i’ve been tried by every obstacle & ended up without being defeated.    2-11-14  _ Sincerly, Paradise

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