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synapse

demon season, demeaning demons, the demons seasoned.
kill em all, only for the right reasons.
my sense of reason competing with the conceiving of a synapse completion.
what that looks like is a fist fight after a full blown relapse.
thought i need that. but i don’t ever really that.
that’s bull crap, begending of a drug induced heart attack.
like the mad hat, i wore that. no bounce back from death.
weighed too much, i can’t front.
gotta get it off my chest.
gotta get it off my chest so no gas meets a flame.
no bang. but nothing changes if i just cant unchain,
and if i can’t tame and end up going insane.
square one, can’t run, no coffin, only a sewage drain.
dang.
but that’s exactly what it is, since i was a little kid.
smoking cigs, grow up quick, be big.
the childhood is lost.
was blind but now i see.
how wild could– this world really be.
nothings free but the space that you rent inside your head.
king size bed– for all the demons who just wed themselves to you.
death do us part, till all you can do is just depart.
and they take everything, plus your little fragile heart.
not like i wasn’t informed. i was regularly warned.
but i tore from the red flag and made a tourniquet
then i swore i’d never ask for more.
but here i am strike 10 again with my knees on floor.
lord.
how could this really be, is the really me, is my destiny complete....
sometimes you get the answer to your own questions, no need to question because life teaches you funny lessons.
coincidence that i’m spiritually in this state, new place, fighting old demons, chasing a strange faith.
in myself and the people who surround me, i know it’s not all due that the change of surrounding. its astounding.
how it hounds me, beats down the door.
but this good feeling im asking for more.

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