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Lipstick Stains On Shredded Veins

How did it get like this
Where did this sorrow begin
I can’t even speak my own mind
I’m not even all that kind
I’m not even one-of-a-kind
My beauty is seen by only the blind
I’m resting in pieces
Trying to feel anything but numb
As my pulse eases
I know that I’m not the only one
I’m not the only
That feels this way
Constantly trying
Fading away
Dying inside
Every day
Unintentional torment
Is still torment to me
Ignorance at its finest
So blind are we who see
 
I’ve said it all
I’ve tried it all
I still fall
I still fail
I’ve lost the trail
The path to happiness
To success
This raw internal bleeding
This starving heart
I’m aching to be loved
Before I completely fall apart
As if I could pull myself together
I’m in pieces on the floor
I’m not getting better
There’s no getting better
As if I could rip myself apart
Limb from limb
Inside and out
I scream until I hear no sound
My throat is bleeding
Bleeding and bound
Tied tight with barbed wire
And sweet lipstick stains
From my heartfelt dreams
Never to be
 
My veins are made of rubber
My arteries are made of steel
I can’t feel anything
Nothing is real
If I didn’t have iron lungs
I’d suffocate on my tongue
Because nobody can hear me
When I’m so numb
I don’t want sympathy
I don’t want attention
I just want to be happy
I’m in need of a resurrection
Cold fingers
Make for the warmest embrace
The warmest embrace I’ve ever had
Throughout our dying race
 
Who would want a loser like me
Who would expect to see me in heaven
It seems like hell is the only option
But I’m already there
How can it get any worse than this
I know it can
But it seems impossible
I don’t even want me
I don’t want my skin
My body
My organs, blood, veins
My eyes, my brain
I don’t want to be this way
I don’t want to think this way
I’m constantly terrified of my own shadow
I’ve said it all
I’ve tried it all
I still fall
I still fail
I’ve lost the trail
The path to happiness
To success
This raw internal bleeding
This starving heart
I’m aching to be loved
Before I completely fall apart
As if I could pull myself together
I’m in pieces on the floor
I’m not getting better
There’s no getting better
As if I could rip myself apart
Limb from limb
Inside and out
I scream until I hear no sound
My throat is bleeding
Bleeding and bound
Tied tight with barbed wire
And sweet lipstick stains
From my heartfelt dreams
Never to be
I’ll never be
What anyone wants me to be

(2014)

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